FromPexelsPoint — THE dEVIOUS tHING THAT DWELLS INSIDE OF US

My Discovery

Confession time…

I had a rough February. Not because anything bad happened. In fact, good things started to happen. But I didn’t feel right. Maybe some moon and planetary system was in some misalignment and the stars were being foreboding. Or whatever.

I didn’t want to do anything. I didn’t want to work, draw, eat, paint, watch TV, or anything I normally enjoy. Especially in the art realm where I live most of the time, I felt like I didn’t belong there. Scrolling on Instagram and Facebook was depressing because I kept seeing these beautiful creative types doing beautiful and amazing things. Then there was me… doing nothing. Working hard at spinning a hamster wheel. I felt like I wasn’t Perfect enough. I wasn’t Achieving as much as everyone else. I was not Good Enough to be in the same room as my friends and heroes.

But wait… I’m pretty cool. I feel like I’m easy to talk to, I like having fun, I get things done, I enjoy life, I believe in people and humanity, I do some awesome things, and I love creating. So what has been going on in my head? Now I know the answer.

Hello, everyone. My name is Ann and I have Imposter Syndrome.

Maybe you have heard of it?

“Originally called impostor phenomenon, impostor syndrome, as it's now usually called, is commonly understood as a false and sometimes crippling belief that one's successes are the product of luck or fraud rather than skill.” (Article found here).

Once I realized what was happening inside my brain, I made a very conscious decision to cut it out! I sat down and started to do projects I have been putting off. I tried a new art medium. I made careful lists, deadlines, and timelines to adhere to. I recalled my accomplishments. I have a great many accomplishments I am very proud of!

I know that I will be faced with this Imposter Syndrome for… probably forever. I’m slowly starting to recognize it and now I want to take steps to keep it in check.

Yes, I did a little research and I made a list… because I love lists.

Focus on achievements no matter how small. (Dude, I got out of bed today. WOO!)
Do not compare yourself to anyone.
Don’t you dare apologize for being you!
Be truthful in all your dealings.
Understand you are constantly changing. (You are always a different you).
Remember that 70% of people feel like Imposters too!
You can be humble and awesome at the same time. (Don’t be prideful).
Don’t internalize. Write that shit down and get it out asap.
Be confident. (You did great work!)
Always be practicing.

I take this as a big challenge now. How can I do better at being me? What can I physically and emotionally be doing that will help me and maybe those close to me? I have some ideas to work on. What about you?

A few references...

A Note on Confidence by Lauren Panepinto
The Imposter Phenomenon by Joe Langford and Pauline Rose Clance
Make Good Art by Neil Gaiman
Feel Like A Fraud? By Kristen Weir