Anxiety Vs. Depression

I have been meaning to write this for awhile... but I haven't figured out how to say what I want to say. So we're kind of winging it a little more than usual. Bare with me! I promise there is a point.

I've been thinking and considering that Anxiety and Depression hold hands a lot. They are two separate things but they both love to hang out with each other. Admittedly, I believe I am more anxious than I am depressed. And I will let you why. But first, let's just briefly outline the differences... then I will explain what this does to my art...

Depression

  • Depressed mood

  • Lack of interest in enjoyable activities

  • Increase or decrease in appetite

  • Insomnia or hypersomnia

  • Slowing of movement

  • Lack of energy

  • Feelings of guilt or worthlessness

  • Trouble concentrating

  • Suicidal thoughts or behaviors.

  • Feelings of sadness about the future, like it's hopeless.

  • Listlessness, not believing that positive things will happen.

  • Severe lack of energy or drive.

  • Lack of emotion with slowed thinking and behaviors.

  • Severe appetite changes and headaches

Anxiety

  • Restlessness

  • Difficulty concentrating

  • Muscle tension

  • Sleep difficulties

  • Sudden periods of intense fear

  • Pounding heart

  • Sweating

  • Trembling

  • Shortness of breath

  • Feeling of impending doom

  • Panic Attacks

  • Excessive worry

  • Being easily fatigued

  • Irritability

  • Apprehension about what could happen in the future.

  • Worried thoughts, or a belief that something could go wrong.

  • Feeling the need to run away or avoid things.

These lists are so similar and share a couple things so it is easy to see how we can mix the two. I'm going to just lay it out there for the world and talk about how I am affected by it all... which is frightening. I mean, I always want to appear strong because there's a trust that is given to the strong it seems. But strong people go through the saaame things. So now looking at the lists, I can say that I have anxiety with depressive moments. For me and my personal journey here, I get so anxious. I have had flat out panic attacks. After those attacks are when I get a little depressive. It's exhausting to be so anxious!

That being said... I do have coping mechanisms. I have, and will continue to, refine these mechanisms. Also, full disclosure, I am not on any medication. It isn't that I don't believe in them, it is because I have brought myself to this particular point of mental awareness and can analyze my way out of an attack. Maybe I will need medication later? For now, when I feel my heart racing, or I have a sudden shift and get worried or highly irritable, I mentally count down from ten and think back to when the trigger happened. From there I trace my steps and connect to the moment I lost my shit. Often, this is enough to calm me down. (Not always, but often. I'm still learning). I'm now to the point sometimes I need to ask for help or I need to verbalize my thoughts. This is the harder part... I like to let it sit and fester. Which is bad. That's where I'm at now. I am learning to speak. Because, geez, the festering is painful and I'm pretty sick of it. It is getting in the way of me creating and making art that I love. It is getting in the way of me sharing art! And I believe there is no such thing as secret art.

I am who I am with Anxiety. I make art because and in spite of it. Art calms me. Art frustrates me. Art is ever flowing. I create because as an artist I'm searching for something. I search for peace and connections. Too often do I let it get in the way of making. "I'm too tired... My day job was exhausting... I'm mentally drained... I don't know what to write/draw." Yup, those are daily thoughts. But I am right now learning to harness that anxiety and connect it with others that are struggling with the same thing in artmaking. I am trying to learn to be more eloquent. Human beings must communicate! We're kinda in this together so it isn't a time to be crappy to each other, people. Do not let your anxiety, your fears, your doubts, your anger, or your hate get the better of you.

Peace and connection, friends.

xoxo

 

*Side note: I am in no way a doctor or physician and will not offer any diagnosis of any kind. Please consult your physician if you are feeling like you may have any of these symptoms.

Ann